I no longer have any direction, no drive, no energy, nothing.
I have no enthusiasm for anything.
After four weeks off work, I have not taken a single frame of footage or picture with the camera, as I’d intended.
It has been out of the bag just twice.
I’ve not been able to get anywhere I’d planned to.
I’ve not seen anyone I’d hoped to.
I’ve not even managed to kick or bowl a ball.
I feel no excitement, have no plans, after giving up on the few I had, no ambition.
Why bother? What’s the point? Are my go to answers.
My life is not my own anymore.
I am nothing more than a puppet, a leaning post, there for other’s needs and not my own.
I can’t even choose the others!
I used to be such a happy-go-lucky person, I don’t think I’ve been this way for a long while now.
I look at strangers and see their happy faces, free, fresh faced and grinning from ear to ear. I used to be like this all the time.
The light is going out.
What used to burn so bright, is now no more than a fading 20 watt candle bulb, that can only flicker.
I’m completely empty.